lost

I am tired of being everything to everyone. I just want to be one thing to one person. I have never express emotion. I love my family. There is nothing I would not do for my nieces or nephew. Its just everyone else I have taken advantage of. I have told girls that I love them and I think that maybe at the time I almost meant it. I know that I have only loved one women my whole life. The only one who I did not look over her shoulder to see who the next ex-girlfriend would be. I screwed it up because I was not able to handle the idea of not being free. I realized that the love I had for her was the most free I have ever been. This was on my mind today because friends have tried to set me up with some one new and I look at them and all I can think is "It's not her." It never will be, again. I feel bad for my friends that had real girlfriends who lasted a while. Now I almost think I had it better because I would move on to someone new after a couple of months. I never had that emotional drain. I never had emotions. I have them now and I think they are out for good.